RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE
Learning about a partner’s affair is an agonizing experience. Participating in an affair is also very stressful on many levels. Hopes have been damaged even destroyed, trust has been lost, and neither person sees a clear way forward. Friends and relatives can be helpful with their empathy and support, but mostly unhelpful with their advice. Simple answers do not appreciate the complexity of a marriage on the brink. In John Updike's novel Rabbit Redux, he describes Janice and Harry, a couple in their 40's, as a couple who had become "locked rooms to each other." They could hear each other crying from under the door...but they couldn't get in...or, maybe more accurately, they didn't want to get in—or, just needed help getting in.
Recovery is possible. A healthy marriage is possible as is a healthy divorce if need be. I have worked with many couples over the years who have found health through the hard work of marital therapy. It always entails courage in facing difficult feelings and being emotionally honest. It has been a privilege to journey with couples determined to come to terms with what has happened, take responsibility for their part, and work to forge new life, whether together or apart.
Some times help is needed just to decide whether to venture into this therapeutic work, explained clicking here, “Discernment Counseling.” Entering marital therapy just to be able to say “I tried" is a common diversion from the hard work, because this doesn’t take seriously one of the most important decisions of one’s life.
Affairs are not always physical or emotional. Sometimes the betrayal comes as emotional abuse, or financial control or bullying. If working through betrayal is what you want to do, I would be most willing to meet with you to see if we might be a good fit for this process.